My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
We got so high we made milksteak
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i dont even know how to be here
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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