Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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