Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize