it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
