oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
