I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
