Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
