Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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