I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
