Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
