Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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