We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
