im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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