Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
