Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize