You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
