you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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