I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
