Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
