her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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