Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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