We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
