Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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