Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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