What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
