okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
