i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He felt like a one man threesome
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize