At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize