You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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