i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
