And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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