If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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