She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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