im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
