Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
