I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
birth control should be required to get into college
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
