how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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