I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
