he referred to my room as the tit cave...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize