I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
