just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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