just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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