I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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