thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
