i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
