I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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