I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
