I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
