So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
