I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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