I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
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