There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
