She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
