I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
two words...techno handjob
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
