just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
