We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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