I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
