1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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