if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize