Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
