Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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