you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize