You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize