No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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