Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
