WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
