I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
