all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
