And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
its liver damage thursday
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
