my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Your cock deserves a montage
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
