Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize