Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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