Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
