i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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