found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
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