____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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