I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I have post one night stand depression
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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