loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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