I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize