Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Still dying that you shit outside
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
