I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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