I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
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