Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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