I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize