I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Apparently you make a good broom.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
