I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
His nipple licking is glorious
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