So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
