Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
