I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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