At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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