If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
