she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
