Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
