I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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