My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
