I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
