I think I died a long time ago.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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